Ok this post isn't an update so much as it is earth-shattering news. So get this, apparently, APPARENTLY, the higher ups at Kraft Foods have decided to start marketing a new brand of peanut butter. 100% Natural Peanut Butter (or NPB as it will be known from here on). I was not expecting to be challenged to the extent I was when I went to the Northern yesterday to restock on PB. Regular good ol' Smooth Peanut Butter for me thanks. You know, the green one. It's my bread and (peanut) butter! I don't like to stray into other manufacturers or types, except for that time I forayed into the world of Crunchy Peanut Butter, but that's a whole other story in itself.
So after much deliberation deciding between my smooth PB and the NPB, I took the plunge. What a mistake that was! I slept in extra late today to make sure I had enough energy in store to fully appreciate my first experience with the new NPB.
(In unrelated matters, I also drank last night...)
I made sure to read the label extensively, cause I'll admit, the PB Naturale is not my forte. I noticed it mentioned something about some separation of peanut butter and oil is to be expected. Some? SOME? There was an effin swimming pool of this sick looking oil and pb mixture all over the place! So I stirred like a mad man but it made no real difference, except now there was a tub full of watery PB. As much as I wanted to throw down the NPB into the garbage and go on a cursing rampage, I had to restrain myself. For you see, I had paid $9 for this small tub of NPB so I am chained to it for life! I don't know what I'm going to do. I spilled peanut butter on me! I swear to god, if someone before today said the phrase "eww I spilled peanut butter all over me!" I would likely go all grammar nazi on them and say "Spill!? Ha! You can't spill peanut butter on yourself you stupid stupid person! You get it on yourself. Stop being so stupid."
But luckily I don't have to apologize to anyone today because I've never had that conversation with anyone. At least not sober.
If only I could find someone out there that would help dispose of this god forsaken product for me...hmm.....