Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Greeting from Yellowknife! Next up...Blue Spork!

First of all...what's your deal YK Inn!?!? Yes I get it, you've renovated your rooms. I appreciate it, believe me. I agree, it was a big risk in going with the white duvets.
But come on, who decided that it would be a great idea to have 4 lamps in a room that could easily be served by 1 overhead or possibly 2 bedside lamps?! I feel like if there's ever a tungsten shortage that my room will be the first place invaded by those in need.
And that bathroom door? I literally had to turn sideways a la Tim Taylor on Home Improvement to get through it.

I want names.

Especially the name of the guy that said "nuh uh, no bottle openers will be present in this hotel."
No matter how funny I may find it in retrospect, I still didn't enjoy losing a beer out of my window as I attempted to pop the cap off on the window ledge. I want answers goddammit!

ohhhhhh what a cruel world!

Well, regardless of my own (valid) personal tribulations, I will be heading back to Simpson late tomorrow morning.
Also, just to get it out of the way, my apologies go out to anyone on the First Air flight from Simpson to YK with me on Monday. I may have been overly cautious with my butter/applesauce/water/dressing when I opened them. I can now see that I may have looked like a man who had arms minus elbows and a mouth minus a bottom lip. I'm not used to getting meals on non-pressurized planes! Usually I get humiliated because I brazenly open my yogurt with no regard for the great amounts of pressure dwelling within the yogurt and then I spray yogurt all over myself and the immediate 3 rows.

Glad we cleared that up.

I realize that Keiths does not require a bottle opener (Oh COME ON). Alex in YK for 2 nights MAY (or may not) equal 2 trips to the liquor store....

I know! I still can't believe I managed to fit in a reference to Tim Taylor either.

Friday, October 24, 2008

A Tad Cramped...

It seems like every time I talk to someone from out East I am telling them about a new person that has moved into my place. Unfortunately, that's really not that far from the truth. For the first 6 weeks I was livin' large and in charge, as I only had Sadie to answer to in my big ol' 3 bedroom fourplex (a new word for me too since moving to Simpson. I always envisioned it meaning some sort of multi-staged wrestling suplex). Buuuuuuuut then I was feeling kinda ridiculous having that whole place to myself so I thought "awww heck, couldn't hurt to have ONE other person living up in this maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah". Just like that, a new to town nurse moved in. Life went on.
Then, after a couple more weeks, I thought to myself "weeeelllll golly gee, this here ol' place still got lots of room. Got that there extra bedroom just sittin' up there lookin' all smug!". And just like that, another new to town nurse moved in.
Life was good. 3 people! 3 bedrooms! We had reached a state of equilibrium! The gods were no doubt pleased by this.
Then, the clouds darkened, the ground trembled! Another person moved in! I'm sure I even saw a piece of what looked to be the sky fall down and put a dent in my truck! But it didn't stop there, oh no, another person moved in! Surely I had pressed my luck.
I will admit, my wallet was seen to be frolicking around the backyard, hugging strangers and telling them "I love you man. I love you."
But as for me, my days usually consist of trying to find an empty corner where I can curl into a ball. What's that? You need this corner? Oh. Do you know if anyone is in that corner upstairs? He is? Oh. Well then, basement it is!

At least we have an excellent spread of ages in the house. Statistics Canada will be so delighted! We cover just about every age from 19 to 50. Literally!

Please keep in mind a lot of the things I say aren't to be taken literally. It's actually pretty great as I'm paying next to nothing on accommodations cause of the influx of roommates. My food bill, however, has gone way up. I have to keep my strength and energy levels high! You never know when a riot will break out and a survival of the fittest bloodbath will ensue. So I eat and look all squinty eyed at those around me until that day comes.

and on that note...

I'm going to Yellowknife for a few days at the start of next week for work. I've already got lots of great games planned for when I'm in YK. Like "Blow as Much Money as You Can!" and other family favourites.

Friday, October 17, 2008


Yahoooooo!! When I first woke up yesterday morning at 7:30 it said there was a chance of flurries...but by the time I showered and went out the door for work at 9 it was SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGLALALALALLAAAAAAAAAAAA! Perhaps you can't sense my excitement simply by reading text, but I think the most direct comparison I can think of would be if I had just had a baby. A cold, temporarily lasting baby.

It has been snowing pretty much nonstop since yesterday morning....slowly accumulating....but it's getting there! I'd guess about 5cm so far. But even so, how I love its powdery goodness! Oh snow, I would eat you for breakfast, lunch, AND supper.
Speaking of eating, I've noticed that since I let Sadie out for the day in the snow yesterday (followed by a run with me after work where I was so delightfully giddy that I'm sure I alienated at least one person) that her appetite is veracious! Through the summer she eats her food more casually, as if she knows that she must consume a required allotment of calories to sustain her body mass. This is about her level of excitement to eat.
But come the winter...hoooo boy! I just let her in from being outside and she's more along the lines of: "WOOOOOOOOOO! AWWWWWWWWW YEAH! That's some good shit out there Dad! You shoulda seen this one snowflake! Woooooooooosh! I thought I was gonna catch it in my mouth but then kablammmmo! It was all going the other way and everything! Hey...seriously!?! awwwwww hells yeah pops! Food! I fuckin love that stuff! *NOM NOM NOM*"
(I do believe that NOM NOM NOM is universally accepted as the sound one makes when eating food)

I'm still skeptical if this snow fall will entirely last, as the ground wasn't frozen as solid as it will need to be. If it gets anywhere around zero degrees in the next few days I predict mud. Lots and lots of mud.

Anywho, I'm off to go rub snow over all my belongings. I LOVE SNOW.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Today wasn't the day, but I came close.

I had one of those moments today that you always hear people talk about (at least the people I talk to) where they literally allllllllllllllllmost lose it and go insane. Almost.

I was walking into the Northern today, wait, no make that strutting into the Northern today. As I approached the magical sliding doors (side note: Ft. Simpson Northern has notoriously slow-to-open doors that make you literally do a stutter step to time it so that you don't cause a disturbingly embarrassing door-rattling bump) I was immediately greeted/confronted by a large bearded man wearing an all white lab coat covered in blood who yelled in my direction, "So youueeeerr the bloke who bough up all mai steeeewing beeeeef?"

I froze up, mid-step in between the now open sliding doors, not quite positive if he was actually talking to me or perhaps someone in behind me. Obviously I didn't want to commit myself by giving him a response only to have someone directly behind me begin speaking at the same time as they were the intended recepient of his message. That would only cause a whole new set of problems.

Anyway, I stood there mid-step, wide eyed, slack-jawed, kind of half looking behind me slowly as I still wasn't sure what was happening. Hell I wasn't sure if he had spoke English or if he was choking at this point. I gave him the eyebrow raise as if to say "hmm? Whassat?" and again he said "I sas so youuueer the bloke who bough up all mai steeeewing beeeef?"
At this point I was pretty sure he was talking to me, so I nonchalantly nodded at him. I think this was the right response because he smiled and then said something about it being "no worries".
It also turns out he was Australian, and that he is the meat cutter for the Northern store. Of course these things only came to my attention several seconds after he had walking away. And I should also mention that I did in fact buy 8lbs of stewing beef from there yesterday. But come on, surely you can see how traumatizing that would be for someone for that one instant! When did Northern get a dedicated meat cutter? There's an Australian in Fort Simpson?

I'm slowly recuperating now, but my nonsensical ramblings may take some time to fade...

Sunday, October 5, 2008

No snow and too much rain makes Alex go something something...

Still no snow. NONE! There was a couple of times late at night when I was out walking Sadie and I think I saw a flurry or two (flurry...McDonalds....snack wrap.....*drool*.....sorry, sorry I'm back) but then I'm starting to wonder if I actually even saw them. Hell for all I know there could have been a business tycoon further down the road riding a golf cart and tipping the ashes from his cigar into the air. I'm starting to think the chances are about the same as having actual snow right now. After talking to friends in Fort McPherson, my brother in Lutselk'e, and seeing all the other northern blogs, it would appear that everyone else has received at least some snow. But nooooo Fort Simpson has to be all high and mighty with it's unofficial nickname as "The Garden of the MacKenzie" and bring down liquid water from the skies. I want snow dammit!
(That really is the nickname of Simpson. Kind of nice I guess. I would have preferred it to be something with some spice though. "The Tank of the MacKenzie". "The BASE Jumper of the MacKenzie". I really don't think I'm asking for too much here people)

I've slowly been bringing out my winter gear (and ordering more from MEC, naturally) in the hopes that I can trick Mother Nature into bringing us some snow.
"Oh shit! Did I blackout?? I knew I shouldn't have had that last round of shots, that guy has his winter gear out! I must have melted all the snow when I was hammered."

I even was down in my basement earlier just staring at my snowshoes for a while. Soon my pretties, soon.

You can be sure that once we get a good downing of snow I will return with a pic-tacular update chronicling my descent into in a state of snow-induced naked running around the streets joy-fest.

You've probably already figured out that the picture is NOT from this year....but it helps to make my agony all that much more real by posting snowylike pictures

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The darker side of dog walking

Not really an actual full fledged meaty posting, but I was looking through my pictures and I came across this one from a few weeks ago, you may have to click for the enlarged version to fully see it:

Sadie and I were mindlessly walking around down by the Papal grounds when I stumbled into what was most likely the most intense standoff I have ever witnessed.
The 2 of them remained like this for quite some time. Nobody dared flinch! Eventually the little guy backed away, but not before he first made the throat-slit motion with his paw. Needless to say, we've been avoiding that side of town.