Wednesday, September 24, 2008

...do this don't do that can't you read the siggggggggggggnnnnnnn!....

After that last post I was looking through my pictures and I realized that I unknowingly seem to have a sign fetish. I have lots of pictures of signs. hmmm....
Here's the golf course:

The sign that leads the way further north to Wrigley:

An oddly highlighted sign down at the Papal Site, with help reading it being provided by Sadie:

annnnnnnd last, AND most likely least, the intersection sign heading towards my house:

The village of Fort Simpson is highly innovative and progressive don't you know.

I also just realized that I seem to have a fetish for posting any pictures of signs in my possession.

PS
I promise I won't post any more signs until I get sexually frustrated again. I LIE!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Signs...signs...everywhere a sign...



Lots of interesting signs around Fort Simpson...care to join me in viewing a few? Of course you do!

One of the more peculiar signs in town is the signpost next to the golf course when you first get on the island. I hope Watson Lake (Yukon) doesn't catch wind of Simpson's attempt at a Sign Post Yard or else we'll be the laughing stock of medium sized northern communities! A cool idea, but it seems to be lacking in its execution:


Here's the start of the appropriately titled "No Fun Trail" which runs along the MacKenzie River on the east side of the island:

What next!? No bipeds?! No kinetic energy!?!?

(I could be off about the name of that trail...for some reason "MacKenzie Walking Trail" seems to ring a bell...)

Take a look at this next scene, which is along the back road on the west side of the island:

Notice anything? Well upon closer inspection you'll find there is a resident who apparently doesn't enjoy life in the fast lane. You'd think whoever that person is would lighten up a bit! I'm sure the kids who exit the elementary school onto that road would really enjoy seeing some cars drive faster along here:

Moving on...we have one of the churches which is down by the Papal Flats.
I'm sure that if my church at home growing up was like this one I'd have taken more interest. Actually I still don't think I'd go. But I would at least tell people I did. Talk about wild west badassery!:


Next up, we have what could quite possibly be the more informative sign I've seen in some time:

I quite enjoy its ability to answer all those stupid questions we all want to ask but never actually do...such as "hmmm I wonder what's being built there? Oh, it's a New Office Building. Wow!" or "gee whiz, I wonder how much a big ol' building like that there one would cost? Wuh? $6,540,868? Oh, I guess that settles that then."

This pretty little gem is one of the signs you'll find plastered around any campground in the area. I assume it was the product of a Grade 5 drawing contest:

Look out campers! Those evil zombie embers are sneaking away to rape and/or kill the forest! Noooooooooooooo!

But then maybe I shouldn't be so critical. I still haven't figure out how to properly draw a foot with no shoe on in my drawings. My trees with a black hole in the middle are coming along nicely though. You can practically sense that there must be an owl living in there!

And last, but certainly not least, we have the sign that fall is in full effect:

*cues soothing piano music*
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


P.S.
In case you haven't already figured it out, the sign at the top of the post would be that of my workplace...known locally as LKFN. The full name can also be spelled in a few different ways, none of which I can consistently remember.
The more you know...

Monday, September 22, 2008

Hayyy River, you sure do gots a purdy mouth

Annnnnnnnnnnd just like that the (outdoor) soccer season is over! We left first thing Friday morning and drove a little over 4 hours south east of Simpson to Hay River. It was a mostly uneventful weekend, with 4 mostly unsuccessful attempts at achieving NWT soccer fame, several mostly unsuccessful shopping excursions, 2 mostly successful attempts by youths to stay out and party all night and make the coaches then search on foot all over town to find them, annnnnnnd then a completely successful bus ride back home.
Speaking of success, if anyone out there reading this has been feeling that lately they simply have far too much energy and vitality, I fully recommend my new lifestyle plan. Lemme layout the basics:

1. Find a nice hard piece of cold floor to sleep on. A small school classroom is preferable.

2. Fill said classroom with approximately 15 guys who were recently playing soccer for several hours, making sure that all of their soccer gear is carefully distributed throughout the classroom. Please note: For optimal results, ensure that the majority (the vast, VAST majority) have not showered. Those who have not showered can be recognized by their claims of "nahhh I'm alright, I didn't really sweat that much" and "Yeah I showered".

3. Spend several days in this setting, and be sure to fully take in the aftermath of the soccer players' excellent choices in diet during this time.

4. ...

5. Profit!

(Please keep in mind that my definition of "profit" may vary slightly from your own)

As for Hay River itself...well I don't really know what to say. Besides the "skyscraper" there (15 stories) and the ridiculously self-confident bright purple school, it looks pretty much like any town you'd see down south. Not saying it wasn't nice, especially since I didn't see all of it. But still....seemed kinda "ho hum". HO HUM!
Then again Simpson probably doesn't seem "dee dah da doo" upon first glance either.

Anyway...we arrived back last night, and I am exhausted! It's also getting very cold...there's even been a few light flurries in the early morning or late at night. But then looking at other Northern blogs and talking to my brother in Lutsel K'e it sounds like Simpson is one of the few places to actually not get hit with a dump of snow so far.
Not much else new to speak of...bball season is starting soon (both coaching and NBA. yahoo!) so that should be keeping me busy. I've also been considering a second d-o-g...but that's just between you and me, I don't want s-a-d-i-e getting suspicious.

I sure hope hope her spelling hasn't improved. She never did see that s-p-a-y-i-n-g coming...mwahahaha!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

So...tired.....must stay.....involved...in...community....*collapses and dies*

What can I say other than that I am beaaaaaaaaaaaaat! (speaking of beat, one thing I have not missed having readily available at the local grocer is beets. Man, does anyone really like those?)

As mentioned previously I have unknowingly committed myself to coaching both the soccer and bball teams at the high school. I have also let my stupid stupid male pride get in the way of just being a regular coach. What do I mean? Well, it should be no problem to facilitate 3 soccer practices a week in addition to my regular fitness/dog owner responsibilities, but for some reason I keep doing all the drills with the players, attempt to win every sprint, put extra effort into regularly humiliating the weaker players with verbal and physical taunts, etc etc. (You know, that whole "lead by example" mantra).
I would considering myself active, but by no means would I say I am any sort of fitness guru. I take Sadie running a couple times a week, lift weights a couple times a week, and do jack-shit all for the rest of my free time. (see: computer games and sleeping on couch)
And now, after a single, solitary week of soccer practices in addition to said routine, I am cooked! I don't know how many calories one is supposed to consume, but obviously I'm not there. Maybe I need to start adding vast quantities of lard to my diet. hmmm...
Even my office has turned against my body cause it seems like the hallway to the copier rooom that was once a measly 40 feet long has seemingly transformed itself into a 2 mile journey. Oh when will it stop! The humanity of it all!

/girly man rant

P.S.
Does anyone know a good comeback for "You're the world's worst coach! You suck!"?
Any contributions are appreciated.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Cougars on the prowl...

No, unfortunately it's not that 42 year old that you work with who still knows how to party, there's a real live Cougar/Mountain Lion/Puma on the loose! I don't have much else to tell you about it other than there's been a lot of bad horny older women jokes going around and reports of some guy's dogs getting harassed by said cougar. (Or so says the receptionist at my work, and SHE heard it from a very VERY reliable source...at least that's my understanding)

I'll do my best to get a picture! That is, if this cougar decides to walk into my living room while I have my camera turned on and pointed in his/her direction. If it tries to be any more cunning than that though...you may be outta luck.

In other news, you may have noticed my lack of pictures from the float plane ride I was gloating about last week. Wellll ya see....that didn't happen! Bad weather caused the MacKenzie to be extra choppy and the lame pilots were too scared to try taking off. Ha! Imagine that. What do they know anyway!

In one final piece of news...I should also mention that you are now talking to the head coach of both the Senior Boys Soccer AND Basketball teams! *coughs, adjusts self*
I don't know how I fell into that, but I'm certainly knee deep in it. The soccer season looks to be an extra grueling one...with a demanding schedule of 5 soccer practices over the next 2 weeks, and then a tournament in Hay River on the 19th.

...

...

...

Wha? Nope, that's it! That is the soccer season here. ha!
I'll be laughing all the way to the partial-service bank! (I assume I will be getting paid for this high school coaching gig. That IS why people do this kind of stuff isn't it?...)


I do have a question for any blog readers out there...anyone have a good set of plans for making a modest dog house? Keeping in mind that I don't really have any access to lumber and woodworking materials. But I'm willing to ask around for odds and ends if need be. I'm trying to look out for my baby girl, winter is coming you know.