Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Tuesday night phone conversations...

So my girlfriend and I had a discussion tonight...and I was left feeling very....unresolved. We had to leave it at the pathetically pacifistic conclusion of "agree to disagree I guess!"

Okay so here's the scenario:
**any changes in the wording of following discussion, while likely to be in my favour, are completely unintentional

Anyway, my gf mentioned something about her nose being really irritated, and I mentioned that perhaps it was from her sniffing so much tobacco. Somehow, she took offence to this, claiming that she doesn't snort tobacco. She claimed she doesn't associate with tobacco at all. AT ALL! Oh sure I believed her...but I had to be sure...
So I ran her through just about every tobacco related product I could think of: using a hookah, using tobacco to feed the fire, pass somebody a solitary cigarette, buying a person a pack of smokes as their dying wish, etc etc etc...
Nuh uh she proclaimed.
I will never touch tobacco! she would go on to trumpet.

Naturally, I took it one step further.

"What if...you were in the bathroom, crippled with horrible diarrhea, and I was lying in bed smoking a cigar and I just happened to be wearing a t-shirt made of tissue paper and then I fell asleep. Then, because you had taken some Pepto-Bismol, you returned to the bedroom and saw me with a lit cigar smoldering on my tissue paper t-shirt, about to BURST INTO FLAMES, and I was sound asleep...WHAT WOULD YOU DO!???!

She first had some bizarre questions about why on Earth did she have such horrible diarrhea, why was I smoking a cigar in bed, and why was I wearing a tissue paper t-shirt.

Being the great person that I am, I allowed these questions and even answered them:
1)...okay I will come back to this

2) My favourite basketball team won the NBA championship! I had to smoke a celebratory cigar.

3) I was eating wings earlier in the night and was so excited about the championship that I couldn't possibly be expected to remove my tissue paper t-shirt. Hey come on, I bet there's a place out there with tissue paper t-shirts.

back to 1) She had diarrhea because she was also so excited about the NBA championship that it caused her to have rampant indigestion.


Now that those were out of the way...I asked her again: WHAT WOULD YOU DO!?!
She said something about just throwing a glass of water on me.

I know. How conveeeeeeeeeeeenient that there just happened to be a glass of water nearby. Yeesh.

Anyway, I gave her that one. But then, theoretically anyway, the fire department would call to see what had happened to see if everything was taken care of. She said the fire was all out. But then, and quite smartly I might add, the fire fighter asked her if she had removed the source of the fire...aka the cigar. She then said that if that was the exact scenario that YES, she would PICK UP THE (tobacco filled) CIGAR!


See! I knew she would crack!!
HA!


And yes, I too wonder why she still talks to me sometimes. Actually, make that all the time.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Time for celebration!...sort of.

2 things:

The Friendship Centre (bearer of the often loathed, occasionally loved weight room) obtained new weights! True, it's just a couple of 10lbs plates...but these things could be pioneers of the Weight Room Revolution that will no doubt take place in the near future! I don't think I could be more exact in my predictions.
Now to do something about that lack of heat...


And also...as you may have figured out via my last post and it's inclusion of snowy weather...it's getting cold here!
A negative for some, a positive for others...I see it as a chance to give people insight into my aching soul. How so? Well normally when I wear my glasses people just see me as "That bald guy wearing glasses". But now...with the cold weather...I can wear a toque! Relevance?
Feel the angst:

Now people will no doubt see me as "That artsy guy who I want to be just like". Give or take a few words and meanings.

Praise to winter!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I'm perfectly comfortable with my level of maturity...

*SQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!*

It's snowing!!
Today is the first day of legitimate snow here in Fort Simpson for this year and I'm not going to subdue my excitement!

My hands must have been shaking and all over the place when I tried to snap a shot as I left the house for work this morning...hence the misplaced finger.
BUT I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE!

I'm sure this dusting won't stick around for long but it does mean that the heavy snowfall won't be too fall away...which means snowshoeing, skiing, increased snowcone production, etc etc etc
woohoo!

That is all.


You may now go back to your regular scheduled internet browsing.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Things you may not have known about Fort Simpson...

Seeing as how Fort Simpson isn't exactly the most talked about or most well known community in the North...I thought I'd take the chance to look at some of the little locations and quirks that make Fort Simpson the awesome place that it is!

To begin with...we shall look at something that, in its time, was surely one of the great engineering marvels on the New World. A building that has fallen into disrepair, but at one time it would have entertained the masses (err...sizable portions) of Fort Simpsonites!

Behold...the (former) Fort Simpson movie theatre!

Okay...so maybe it's not what you were expecting.

As you can probably guess...this place hasn't been in operation at any point in the year and a half I've been a Simpson resident. I have heard from lots of (slightly) older residents that they remember going on dates at the theatre is years past.
The place does have a purpose still...albeit a much less exciting one. It...is....a.....storage unit!
Nogha Enterprises (local construction) stores extra materials and old equipment in there now. With a bit of imagination you can still visualize what it would have been like as a theatre though. You can still see remnant of the screen:

and if you head upstairs and to the back...you can see where the projector room was (and might I say, it's still in MINT condition):

(boy those projectionists sure had a funky sense of style)

And I know what you're thinking...LESS TALKING, MORE REOPENING OF THIS MARVELOUS PLACE...alas, there be some structural issues:

So...unfortunately it would appear that won't be happening anytime soon.

It's definitely an unassuming building upon first glance but still a neat bit of (recent) history in Fort Simpson.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Something I have learned...

...do NOT go dog walking on a Sunday evening in the Fall while living in the Northwest Territories. Or at least not without a leash. Or at the very least, a piece of extension cord to restrain your 4 legged beast(s).
Reason being?... Rampant decapitations and dismemberment of course!

Fortunately, it is not the blood of humans being spilled, but rather that of our arch rivals...THE MOOSE!

Just about everyone and their uncle's barber has shot a moose in the past couple of weeks so it's not uncommon to find blood splatter or "fresh" sets of antlers on the side of the road. For me, and people like me, this is general regarded as unpleasant. Or at least when you unexpectedly step on them. But for Sadie...JACKPOT! As soon as I opened the front gate to take her for a bike ride (she runs...in case you were wondering), she bolted down the road with her nose about an inch off the ground in search of the delicious smell of still-warm moose carcass. Yum.
Eventually I caught up to her, but not before she first located the nearby smell which, in this case, was a recently severed moose head in a truck. Yum yum.
So after pleading with her that this severed moose head was no good for her (he was trying to woo her with his "bad boy" image anyway) we continued down the riverbank until...BANG, off she goes again, this time down to the boat of someone who had some blood still on their boat. I assume it was from a moose. Assume.
This continued on and on and on as we went down the road. She bolts. I call for her. I see she's not coming so I clench my jaw and mumble something about "I'm not taking this shit!" but then I do anyway. I eventually make my way over to where she is and pry her away from her goodies. We try to continue our journey like that didn't just happen, like I'm still in control. *Sniff sniff*...ZOOM. Rinse, repeat.

Sigh.

Ah well, it was beautiful outside:

Here's the little shit disturber with her current best pal, Old Man Mehke.


Ooh and now for my excuse for having not updated for the past week or so (I thought I'd wait on giving an excuse this time around...more believable that way):
I was in Yellowknife again! No lyin'!
I was there for about week actually...for work. IMPORTANT WORK. Ever hear of a certain someone named...ohhh I don't know...BILL CLINTON!!?!!

You have? Good. You should have. He's a notable figure on the world stage.
Bill Clinton, however, has nothing to do with me or my trip to Yellowknife.

I can appear important for you (*wink*) if you would like me to though:

True, it would appear that I was doped up and paraded around on a stage with a podium for the enjoyment of others. And while that is partly true, I was actually giving a presentation!
Look closer if you want proof of my horrifying nervousness and rosy-red blush face:

See? Legitimate public-speaking induced flushness!
Good times.

I also got to spend some much needed time with my girlfriend,

and eat out several times...one of these times was even with fellow blogger Meagan. I didn't take any pictures of our lunch, but in case you're wondering, this is generally what she looks like:

haha I keed I keed! Great what a google search will turn up when you don't have any pictures handy.
By the way...I owe you a lunch Megan!

So that's where I've been.

How you been...PLANET EARTH?